The real Jensen pictures thanks to rarecelebs

I've been thinking of doing this for a while. Hi all. I've set the date ahead on this post so it will stay at the top of the journal no matter what. What I am thinking is this: So often we go into each others journals and we want to explore and say stuff and don't always feel comfortable doing so and sometimes it's a matter of wanting to just check in and say hi, and sometimes it's someone needing to say something personal and having to go back to old buried posts in order to say something so that no one else will see it. I decided to make this post that place. You need to say something unrelated to something I've posted, here's where you can do it. You want to say something related but that you want to have protected, do it here. I intend to screen all comments and therefore only you and I will see them. It's your safe place away from the prying eyes of the flist and other browsers. Welcome to my journal. I intend on making it a happier place from here on out, and I intend on making it riddled with fic as soon as possible.(now that I'm no longer losing it) KISSES AND HUGS.

ETA:If you come in here to start shit. All bets are off. You have a problem I expect you deal with it as an adult. If not, you'll be considered the equivalent of a troll and treated as such.

The ever wonderful coltshot1 sent me this wonderful graphic to cheer me up. It's made by carmendove . It really makes me smile.( friend love underneath )

Hello Flist. Please pass this along as all of you are much more connected than I. In the U.S. they are going to be releasing our cell phone numbers and making them public so that we can be harassed by everybody and anybody who wants to seek us out. Or hey, those of us that have cell phones because of STALKERS and the like, isn't nice how quickly our privacy is being taken away. Anyhow, there is a number you can call to put yourself on the no call list. It takes 31 days to get going so I'd do it quickly. After that, you can at least tell people who still attempt no call and if they don't listen, report em. Not going to get into semantics of whether or not you can get the info you need to report em. I've noticed in my own home, on our land line, just saying no call list has been enough. So here is the number to call to make yourself illegal to call for sales calls etc. 888-382-1222 Good Luck, be well, I miss ya'll.

Anybody know when the torchwood miniseries is airing this summer? I've seen advertisements on bbcamerica but it can't possibly be airing here first, plus, they edit! I want the British version. Help Torchwood fans. I'm jonesing for Capt. Jack and Ianto something fierce.

Friday the 13 and My Bloody Valentine are both available on ON Demand (as well as tons of other cool stuff).

Leverage is premiering in a couple of weeks I believe, YAY.

I found my cowboy boots I've been looking for (plus about 20 others I would love to just buy up, biker, work, and cowboy) but I have to save. But then I'm just going to drive to the outlet where they make em to get em at a cheaper price. Texas and Texans are awesome.

I think I'm done. Love, love, love

Those new pics coming in from asylum with Jared and Jensen both letting their hair grow...Jensen has been quoted as saying he hates his hair. I'm thinkin (hopin) spn might start out in heavy action, maybe full on war and their hasn't been time for luxuries like haircuts and sam and dean are all scruffy and hair mussed and sexass. I still miss scruffy, perpetual bedhead Dean from early season one. Ya know when he actually looked like a person who lived his life out of a car. *crossesfingers*

You know how Jared gave the smart ass comment about bears being godless killing machines and I had H make me the Smokey the Bear godless killing machine icon? THis one up here that I like best. Ok, I haven't said much about season finale because um, let's see, no build up, no momentum, the boys were periferal to the story rather than the story surrouning them and them being the driving force. It just went the opposite in flow and storytelling than this show usually does and the decisions they made suffered for it. Yes there was some payoff. But I feel absolutely no excitement must have fall season now feelings, and that, is wrong. I got other issues, but I really JUST DON'T CARE that much. Which is saying a lot for how let down I feel especially after the first ten eps of the season had me literally bouncing off the walls with the awesomeness and immediacy of every moment. Doesn't matter I still love my show and our boys and I just got a funny idea.

So, mom got a new printer. I could do the same thing with mine, but that would require hooking it up and putting in effort, and um organizing my room and shit that I'm just to lazy to do. But it makes pictures. Like for your camera but the quality is excellent for postcards. So I want to do that postcard thing everybody does every year except individual ones. Jareds would be the above icon made into a postcard size and smokey would have BLACK EYES! Welcome back to season five, watch out for the bears. For Jensen, pic of him at convention, with incoming flying fangirl, with RED EYES. Oh I so don't know what to do for Misha...I just want to huggle him. And Jim Beaver, Bobby fears nothing. And Beaver just is too cool for that shit. So I may have to ad them in the final group Supernatural welcome back, good season five card. What ya think? or I could ask madame x what to do for the Beav...

My unrated, uncut version of ten inch hero arrived today. I'm happyness. Thanks Heather.

I really do just adore Jensen Ackles.

Not spoiled, don't want to be. so don't tell me if I'm right or wrong. I wrote this all out once and my keyboard fucked me over and i lost it so i'm not happy right now.

( my weird ideas let me share )

Hi all. Bet ya missed me...not. I missed bdays. Top of head belated well wishes and love to gekizetsu and MELLY er coltshot1. I have got to put this new computer together, get my old info off my old computer (that I love anad miss and want to whine about wanting it back even though my new comp is wonderful), it's hotter than smeckles in my room because my air conditioner isn't working.

Also, I love my show. Seriously.

I'm getting aallergy skin testing done every week. Today I spent hours getting stuck to learn that I am so sensitive to grass that just the smell of it sets me off. WOW, GEE FUCKING REALLY. I've only known that MY WHOLE LIFE. It's grass. I where pants if I wanna play in the grass. I go wading in streams if I want to wear shorts. I avoid if it's really bothersome grass. My mom just freaked cause she just actually found out about it this week and watched my eyes swell up and my tatoo welt up. I'm 36 and she's never had a clue. I talked to my friend Tess in Asheville today and said you know how I'm alllergic to grass? and she says yeah you got itchy everytime we went to the botanical gardens....PARENTS PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS OR BE PATHETIC LIKE MINE. They are gonna test me for trees and pollens. Lemme answer without all the needles and reactions. Pollen, hell yeah. Trees, hit or miss. Moving on.

Also, I really love my show. A lot.

Hi doing this from my phone. My beloved computer just stopped working the other night. Thought it was just the batt but it is looking to be the mother board and the cost of diagnosis labor and replacemnt combined with money already sunk into replacing the screen a few months ago comes out to rebuilding a new computer. So Imma buy one. My friend Heather is helping me figure it out so I can make cheep payments. She rocks. I think it takes a good ten or more days to have it shipped once it gets purchased. That'll happen hopefully on Mon so I'm temp gone which sucks cause show is gettin good and some fics were kickin ass. Only other puters to use in house are the moms and I am not allowed to dl anything and I don't need to answer the reading choice question. I need to have a place to live. Will miss you. I loved the last few eps of spn and wow anyone else totally get off on the end of Battlestar? K this mini keyboard hurts my fibro hands. Congrats to PT on her wedding. I am going to try and get my web access through my blackberry fixed so I can at least check in easier but posting is a bitch. Luck love and winchesters to all of you. See ya soonish.

I slept through Jensen's Birthday. Yes, I'm sick and have been for the last week and a half, but still. It's no excuse to fail at my fangirl duties. For shame, T, for shame.

Well, it's not that late into the next day, hell, it's still his birthday on the west coast. He's probably having a big ass party and doing that hollywood thang. So, party on Jen. Have wonderful, safe, happy birthday.

geez, she coulda told me she moved the blog and didn't remove the old one. The Oddly off Center blog I rec'd and that sits in my links list leads to the real site now. And I fixed it in the previous post. This is it. http://www.oddlyoffcenter.com/ Sorry for the confusion. Talk to heather about not sending me the new link sooner. harumph.

The fat pants and skinny jeans blog, I just went through thouroughly. I think it's an excellent place for her to be sharing her struggles with her problems with food addiction and weight loss. She's strong, but could sure use the extra support. But she has another blog, that she's been writing longer that is more focused on her talent for observing the world, living her life and expressing her thoughts about it all through the filter of her crazy, wonderful vision of the world. There is this great aspect of her personality, something that a lot of people do but she does so much better than anyone else (ok, she's kind of tied with her dad). She just has this way of taking normal words and names and changing them into something else and making them funny. (it only gets old when she does it too much. but that's true of all of us) But I want to incorporate that particular quirk into one of the characters I eventually put into my novel, because it's too good to pass up. I just need to see if I can pull it off fictionally as well as she does naturally. We write what we know, ya know. Anyway, her other blog, is called Oddly Off Center: finding the funny. http://www.oddlyoffcenter.com/

I don't think I've ever known someone who has struggled with the tough issues she's dealt with and the depression that comes with them and still found a way to be so able to find joy in multiple aspects of her day. She can be all alone and start laughing for no reason. Hell, I've been with her plenty of times, in the car or walking or on the subway, just anywhere, quietly passing time and she'll snort and start laughing and you know what she did. She just used her amazing photographic memory to remember some event in her life that made her happy, made her laugh out loud and she didn't just remember it fondly, she relived it. I think of her and I think of a happy person. I know her better than I know almost anyone else in my life. I've had a few very close friends who've let me in deep and she's one of em. And I know he pain. But it doesn't define her anymore than her weight defines her. It's her joy, her passion for life. Her vitality and LOVE. God this girl loves with everything she is. If she loves you, you are gonna know what it's like to be loved for who you are, no expectations for you to be anything different. Just you. Go see my quirky, funny, complex, insightful, loving best friend. Or I'll have to sic Finn the belly on you!

I suggested in a previous post that you guys check out the link I put up in my sidebar. Unfortunately lj had issues with me putting the link in. I just sensed it and I checked and yup, it wasn't working. I've since fixed and checked so it's good to go now. So what is it? It goes to Fat Pants and Skinny Jeans a blog written by a friend of mine. The main gist of it is her struggle to lose weight, that last elusive thirty pounds. Guys, she's an amazing and witty writer. She's even writing a memoir about her experiance of struggling with her weight her whole life and finally actually doing it and ending up on Extreme Makeover and then the way all that ended up working out. She's just so damn charming and I've watched her go through all of this and been so amazed at her grit and also, she wasn't always a writer and I watched her discover just what kind of writer she was and it's been a wild, wonderful journey. I think for anyone who's had issues with weight or self image or anything extra challenging, you'll find her blog to be interesting and if nothing else, you will find something there that makes you laugh. It's a natural talent. So please click on the link. or hey, if you don't want to go into my journal. Just click right here.

http://www.fatpantskinnyjeans.blogspot.com/

This is an amazing woman and she took care of me, took me and my dog in when nobody else would, she took financial responsibility for me and and my pup and took care of his every need and did as much as she could for me at a time when I had first started to get so bad that I was pretty much bedridden. Not many friends, hell people, or even family, would do that. So for me, in honor of my amazingly dedicated, selfless friend. Check her out. You may find a friend for yourselves as well.

Max:I'll do this alone if I have to!
Alec: Ah, I'm bored.



*slaps knee and loses it* I have seen this damn episode so many times I've lost count and I've never once, picked up that he said that. Fucking perfectly Alec.

I started writing a novel today. It's not a genre novel. It's a story I've wanted to take on for years but wouldn't. I just started speaking to me today. So I'm giving it a try and it's already surprising me about where it's going. As is usual with me and my writing, I don't have plot I have characters, characters, character. But I believe plot is born of characters much more often than characters are born of plot, unless as plot devices. That's just me. It's a big deal for me to be writing general fiction. I've always been a genre girl. I figured I'd get to general fiction after I finished the six or so different genre novels I have languishing around my room. But when I go to write, this story has been trying to talk to me and I kept fighting, I'm not ready, I'm not ready. My mother mentioned, quite wisely, that maybe I should just write it and it would stop the bottleneck and allow the stories I wanted to tell flow rather than hold me in this blocked place. I agreed that was probably true, but NOT READY. Another benefit of extreme depression, you stop caring about shit like what you are or aren't ready for. When I'm depressed I do shit like write endlesss poetry, and poetic prose. I've gone so low those words and that style is moving back into position. I miss writing like that. So hell if I'm gonna fight it if I'm not ready. I'm going to let it sweep me up and just emote my little heart out until it stops hurting. Some people, when they're messed up, they physically hurt themselves. I always did a good job of hurting myself by writing poems that reflected how full of grief I was on the inside and it inflicted physical pain on me to reread those poems and I would read em and hurt. I needed to hurt, I needed to feel. I was numb for far too long, I didn't cry for even longer and I was a mess of of a wreck of a broken being. After almost exactly 100 poems and endless journal entries that read like poetry and gave voice to my hearts pain it all just stopped. But back then I would read that stuff and if only for a coupl minutes, I would cry. And eventually, I cried for real. I bawled. And these days, though sometimes I still fight it (I didn't cry for twenty odd years of a difficult life, it's never been my way) I can actually think of something that hurts and do the natural thing and cry. I still don't know if it does a damn thing like they claim. All that cleansing shit. I've never felt cleansed. But I do feel tired and then I can sleep and it's an escape I appreciate. So maybe this will all be a good thing and take me in another step towards healing and freeing and I don't know. We shall see. See my smokey the bear icon that got made for me? cool huh. I love it. I'm putting the other inside this post so you can see the brilliance that is my heather. combined with my sense of humor mixing with Jared's hilarious quote.

Anyone wanna make me an icon with smokey the bear on it and the words Godless Killing Machine beneath it?


uriel just did that thing where he threatens Sam and then acts like what dean did in hell was somehow wrong...it was HELL, uriel, you go there and see how you do? And do your job so Sam doesn't have to use his powers you worthless, sorry excuse for an angel.

I have prozac. And an appt. with a counselor tomorrow. Now I just gotta stop wanting to die ahhh.


eta:thank you shinystarlet I love my two godless killing machine smokey bears. You are my hetero life mate now and 4ever.

With my big black shoes and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place







ps. I love Dean Winchester.